{"id":2236,"date":"2011-06-11T22:43:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-11T18:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/?p=2236"},"modified":"2020-03-12T15:11:10","modified_gmt":"2020-03-12T11:11:10","slug":"sevgim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/?p=2236","title":{"rendered":"SEVG\u0130M…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Ke\u00e7irm\u0259diyim hissl\u0259r haqq\u0131nda dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m<\/strong>
\nSevgi, m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t, e\u015fq… \u00e7ox ad\u0131 var bunun. Ham\u0131 bu haqda dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r, fikirl\u0259\u015fir, ham\u0131 bunu hiss el\u0259m\u0259k, ya\u015famaq ist\u0259yir. H\u0259yatda b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 t\u0259k-t\u00fck m\u00f6vzular var ki, onlar bar\u0259d\u0259 n\u0259inki dan\u0131\u015fmaq, h\u0259tta t\u0259klikd\u0259 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u0259k bar\u0259d\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u0259 qada\u011falar qoymu\u015fam. Bu, m\u0259nim h\u0259yat t\u0259rziml\u0259, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m h\u0259yatla ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r. Lakin bilmir\u0259m niy\u0259, amma sevgi, m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t m\u00f6vzusu da bu qara siyah\u0131ya d\u00fc\u015f\u0259 bilib.\u00a0H\u0259l\u0259 u\u015faql\u0131qdan sevgid\u0259n dan\u0131\u015fma\u011fa \u00e7\u0259kinmi\u015f\u0259m, sev\u0259 bil\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. Yox! M\u0259n qorxaq deyil\u0259m!
\nH\u0259yatda \u00e7ox t\u0259hl\u00fck\u0259li anlar ya\u015fam\u0131\u015fam, b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 h\u0259yat\u0131m bahas\u0131na ba\u015fa g\u0259l\u0259n situasiyalardan al\u00e7\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131q \u00e7\u0131xa bilmi\u015f\u0259m. Amma sevgid\u0259n \u00e7\u0259kinmi\u015f\u0259m.<\/p>\n

Bilmir\u0259m niy\u0259! H\u0259l\u0259 m\u0259kt\u0259b ill\u0259rind\u0259 p\u0259r\u0259sti\u015fkar\u0131 oldu\u011fum, g\u00f6z\u0259lliyin\u0259, a\u011fl\u0131na, t\u0259rbiy\u0259sin\u0259 heyran oldu\u011fum \u00e7ox insanlar olub. T\u0259bii ki q\u0131zlar\u0131 n\u0259z\u0259rd\u0259 tuturam. Amma i\u00e7imd\u0259ki o \u201cM\u0259n\u201d m\u0259ni tutum saxlay\u0131b, m\u0259n\u0259 hans\u0131sa qada\u011falar\u0131, yasaqlar\u0131 xat\u0131rlad\u0131b daima. Sanki m\u0259n sevs\u0259m, hans\u0131sa x\u0259yan\u0259t i\u015f g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f kimi olaram, sanki m\u0259nsub oldu\u011fum d\u00fc\u015f\u0259rg\u0259y\u0259, tayfaya xilaf \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131\u015f olaram kimi hiss etmi\u015f\u0259m \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc. Q\u0259lbim h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 sevgiy\u0259 can at\u0131b, amma a\u011fl\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcn olub h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259. Sonradan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m… kim v\u0259 ya n\u0259 m\u0259nim sevm\u0259yim\u0259 mane olur ax\u0131?! Sevgid\u0259 q\u0259bah\u0259t n\u0259dir g\u00f6r\u0259s\u0259n?! Sevgi acizlikdirmi? Sevgi x\u0259yan\u0259tdirmi?! Bu suallara cavab tapma\u011fa \u00e7al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fam.<\/p>\n

Bu d\u0259f\u0259 s\u0259mimi olacam. A\u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 des\u0259m, h\u0259l\u0259 d\u0259 o suallara cavab tapa bilm\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m. G\u0259lin bir az da s\u0259mimi olum. M\u0259kt\u0259b vaxt\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u015f\u0259m ki, bird\u0259n kimis\u0259 sev\u0259r\u0259m, qarda\u015f\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 g\u0259l\u0259r, v\u0259 ya anamgil evd\u0259 m\u0259ni d\u00f6y\u0259rl\u0259r. Bunun kimi onlarla b\u0259han\u0259 g\u0259lib a\u011fl\u0131ma. Bu minvalla q\u0259lbimin b\u00fct\u00fcn sevgi siqnallar\u0131 cavabs\u0131z qal\u0131b beyin m\u0259rk\u0259zind\u0259. B\u0259z\u0259n qorxmu\u015fam ki, sevdiyim insan m\u0259n\u0259 layiq olmaz, \u00e7\u0259kinmi\u015f\u0259m ki, sevdiyim insan m\u0259n\u0259 x\u0259yan\u0259t ed\u0259r, daha n\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259n ehtiyyat etmi\u015f\u0259m…<\/p>\n

Daha sonra universitet h\u0259yat\u0131. H\u0259rd\u0259n yax\u0131nlar\u0131m, qohumlar\u0131m soru\u015fur ki, \u018fhm\u0259d, s\u0259n indiy\u0259 kimi he\u00e7 kimi sevm\u0259mis\u0259n?! Bilmir\u0259m n\u0259 cavab verim. Bilmir\u0259m ba\u015f tutmayan bu sevgil\u0259rd\u0259 kimi g\u00fcnahkar elan edim \u2013 \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc, yoxsa c\u0259miyy\u0259ti. \u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc, ona g\u00f6r\u0259 ki, qorxmu\u015fam, \u00e7\u0259kinmi\u015f\u0259m, ehtiyyat el\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m?! Yoxsa c\u0259miyy\u0259ti ki, bir insan\u0131n xo\u015fb\u0259xtciliyi \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn minl\u0259rl\u0259 baryer qoyub qar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za?! Bir m\u0259\u015fhur k\u0259lm\u0259 yad\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr el\u0259 bu an \u2013 \u201cKimdir m\u00fcq\u0259ssir?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u018fslind\u0259 k\u00f6kl\u00fc \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 ara\u015fd\u0131rsaq, m\u0259nim qorxaql\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131n, c\u0259sar\u0259tsizliyimin v\u0259 a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 ehtiyyat etm\u0259yimin g\u00fcnahkar\u0131 m\u0259n deyil\u0259m. M\u0259ni buc\u00fcr yeti\u015fdir\u0259n, m\u0259ni qorxma\u011fa, \u00e7\u0259kinm\u0259y\u0259 m\u0259cbur ed\u0259n v\u0259 m\u0259ni bu qaydalar \u00e7\u0259r\u00e7iv\u0259sind\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fcm\u0259y\u0259 m\u0259cbur ed\u0259n c\u0259miyy\u0259timizdir. N\u0259 deyir c\u0259miyy\u0259timiz, bilirsinizmi?! Xaricd\u0259 kim\u0259 bu haqda dan\u0131\u015fsan, q\u0259h-q\u0259h\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kib g\u00fcl\u0259rl\u0259r. C\u0259miyy\u0259timiz deyir ki, qon\u015funun q\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 sevm\u0259k olmaz, pis ba\u015fa d\u00fc\u015f\u0259rl\u0259r. C\u0259miyy\u0259timiz deyir ki, sevdiyin q\u0131z\u0131n valideynl\u0259rini g\u0259r\u0259k s\u0259nin atan-anan \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259d\u0259n tan\u0131s\u0131n, onlar aras\u0131nda uzun m\u00fcdd\u0259t m\u00fcnasib\u0259tl\u0259r olsun. C\u0259miyy\u0259timiz deyir ki, ba\u015fqa rayondan q\u0131z alma. H\u0259tta rayonlar \u00fczr\u0259 xarakter x\u0259rit\u0259si d\u0259 c\u0131z\u0131l\u0131b beyinl\u0259rd\u0259 – filan rayonun adamlar\u0131 bel\u0259dir, filan rayonunku is\u0259 ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr. Amma dan\u0131\u015fanda B\u00fct\u00f6v Az\u0259rbaycandan, Turandan dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131q. \u018flimizd\u0259 olan\u0131 saxlaya bilmirik, \u0259zizl\u0259rim.<\/p>\n

Bax bel\u0259! Bir d\u0259 bax\u0131b g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m ki, art\u0131q 28-29 ya\u015f\u0131m var. \u018fsl faci\u0259 bu zaman ba\u015flay\u0131r. Kiminl\u0259 qar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131rsansa, bir \u015feyi soru\u015furlar: \u201c\u018fhm\u0259d, n\u0259 vaxt evl\u0259nirs\u0259n?\u201d Niy\u0259 c\u0259miyy\u0259timiz bel\u0259dir ax\u0131?! Niy\u0259 insanlar\u0131n beynind\u0259 n\u00fcmun\u0259vi v\u0259t\u0259nda\u015f olmaq formulu m\u00fctl\u0259q evl\u0259nm\u0259kd\u0259n ke\u00e7ir?! Niy\u0259 insanlar\u0131m\u0131z ill\u0259rdir \u00e7\u0259r\u00e7iv\u0259l\u0259rd\u0259 s\u0131xd\u0131\u011f\u0131 v\u0259t\u0259nda\u015f\u0131n\u0131n qar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda u\u015faql\u0131qdan sevm\u0259y\u0259 mane\u0259l\u0259r qoyur, amma ya\u015f 30-a yax\u0131nla\u015fanda ondan evl\u0259nm\u0259yi t\u0259l\u0259b edir?! Sanki evl\u0259nm\u0259k d\u0259 art\u0131q bir \u0259n\u0259n\u0259y\u0259, z\u0259ruri say\u0131lan bir qaydaya \u00e7evrilib. He\u00e7 kim \u201cSevirs\u0259nmi?\u201d sual\u0131n\u0131 vermir, he\u00e7 kim s\u0259nin daxili hissl\u0259rinl\u0259 maraqlanm\u0131r. Ham\u0131 toy olmas\u0131n\u0131, g\u0259lib o toyda qollar\u0131n\u0131 qald\u0131r\u0131b \u015f\u0131d\u0131r\u011f\u0131 r\u0259qs etm\u0259yi v\u0259 toyun sonunda da dil\u0259n\u00e7il\u0259r\u0259 ver\u0259rk\u0259n dilinin alt\u0131nda m\u0131z\u0131ldand\u0131\u011f\u0131 k\u0259lm\u0259ni t\u0259krar edib \u201cn\u0259zir qutusuna\u201d at\u0131rm\u0131\u015f kimi n\u0259m\u0259r atma\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6zl\u0259yir.<\/p>\n

\u018fzizl\u0259rim, laz\u0131m deyil m\u0259n\u0259 bel\u0259 xo\u015fb\u0259xt\u00e7ilik! M\u0259n bel\u0259 \u201csevgini\u201d, bel\u0259 \u201cqohumbazl\u0131\u011f\u0131\u201d, bel\u0259 \u201cdostlu\u011fu\u201d ist\u0259mir\u0259m! Ya\u015f ke\u00e7ir dey\u0259 evl\u0259nm\u0259k \u0259n b\u00f6y\u00fck g\u00fcnahd\u0131r! \u0130mkan verin, insan \u00f6z sevgisini taps\u0131n, imkan verin insan he\u00e7 n\u0259y\u0259 baxmadan \u00f6z sevgi pay\u0131na qovu\u015fsun. Valideynl\u0259r \u00f6z maddi maraqlar\u0131 namin\u0259 \u00f6vladlar\u0131n\u0131 kiml\u0259rl\u0259s\u0259 ail\u0259 qurma\u011fa m\u0259cbur el\u0259m\u0259sinl\u0259r. G\u00fcnahd\u0131r! Vallah, o d\u00fcnyada Allah bunlar\u0131 sizd\u0259n birc\u0259-birc\u0259 soracaq!<\/p>\n

M\u0259nc\u0259 \u0259sl sevgi formulu Az\u0259rbaycandan k\u0259narda ola bil\u0259r. M\u0259s\u0259l\u0259n, el\u0259 g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u0259k \u0130stanbulda. Avropa, AB\u015e deyib \u00e7ox uzaqlara getm\u0259k ist\u0259mir\u0259m. Bilir\u0259m ki, b\u0259zi oxucular Avropan\u0131 v\u0259 Q\u0259rbi art\u0131q \u201c\u0259xlaqs\u0131z\u201d \u00e7\u0131xar\u0131blar. Amma he\u00e7 d\u0259 bel\u0259 deyil. Qay\u0131daq \u0130stanbula \u2013 biz\u0259 yax\u0131n olan, dili, m\u0259d\u0259niyy\u0259ti v\u0259 h\u0259yat t\u0259rzi haradasa bizimki il\u0259 ayaqla\u015fan bir \u0259ski T\u00fcrk \u015f\u0259h\u0259ri. \u0130stanbulun m\u0259rk\u0259zi Taksim meydan\u0131. Sanki bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259nin ruhu sevgid\u0259n, m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259td\u0259n yo\u011frulub. \u0130nsanlar burada g\u00fcl\u00fcr, sevinir, g\u0259ncl\u0259r \u0259l-\u0259l\u0259 tutub xo\u015fb\u0259xt h\u0259yat t\u0259rzi ke\u00e7irirl\u0259r. Ham\u0131 g\u00fcl\u00fcr, \u0259yl\u0259nir, h\u0259tta Bak\u0131da qa\u015f-qabaql\u0131 g\u0259z\u0259n v\u0259 sevm\u0259yi q\u0259bah\u0259t adland\u0131ran o soyda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z da Taksimd\u0259 bir ba\u015fqa c\u00fcr olurlar. Dem\u0259li, biz d\u0259 i\u00e7imizd\u0259 o sevgiy\u0259, o xo\u015fb\u0259xt\u00e7iliy\u0259 susam\u0131\u015f\u0131q. Amma Bak\u0131da olmaz! \u00c7\u00fcnki, g\u00f6r\u0259n olar, yax\u015f\u0131 deyil, sabah gedib i\u015f yerind\u0259, universitetd\u0259 dan\u0131\u015farlar.<\/p>\n

Bilirsiniz n\u0259 dan\u0131\u015farlar?! Dey\u0259rl\u0259r ki, ad\u0131n\u0131 alim qoyub, amma d\u00fcn\u0259n gec\u0259 bulvarda bir q\u0131zla qol-qola girib g\u0259zirdi. Dey\u0259rl\u0259r, yek\u0259 o\u011fland\u0131r, d\u00f6vl\u0259t strukturunda \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r, amma d\u00fcn\u0259n kafed\u0259 bir xan\u0131mla ucadan deyib g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc. Dey\u0259rl\u0259r ki, sanball\u0131 o\u011fland\u0131r, amma o g\u00fcn ma\u015f\u0131nda ni\u015fanl\u0131s\u0131na sevgisini etiraf ed\u0259nd\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259ri ya\u015farm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Bax budur bizim c\u0259miyy\u0259timiz!<\/p>\n

O c\u00fcr insanlara \u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc tutub dem\u0259k ist\u0259yir\u0259m: \u018fzizl\u0259rim, anam-bac\u0131m, qarda\u015f\u0131m, dostlar \u0259l \u00e7\u0259kin m\u0259nd\u0259n! He\u00e7 olmasa, bundan sonra \u00f6z saxta qaydalar\u0131n\u0131zla m\u0259nim xo\u015fb\u0259xt\u00e7iliyim\u0259 \u0259ng\u0259l t\u00f6r\u0259tm\u0259yin. M\u0259n alim d\u0259 olmaq ist\u0259mir\u0259m, d\u00f6vl\u0259td\u0259 d\u0259 \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259mir\u0259m, qalstuk tax\u0131b sanball\u0131 da g\u00f6r\u00fcnm\u0259k ist\u0259mir\u0259m. M\u0259n sad\u0259c\u0259 sevgim\u0259 nail olmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m. Allah\u0131n m\u0259n\u0259 v\u0259d etdiyi, \u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn d\u0259 layiq oldu\u011fum saf, m\u00fcq\u0259dd\u0259s v\u0259 \u0259b\u0259di bir sevgiy\u0259!<\/p>\n

\u018fhm\u0259d \u015eahidov
\n11 \u0130yun 2011-ci il, saat 23:30
\nBak\u0131 \u015f\u0259h\u0259ri<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ke\u00e7irm\u0259diyim hissl\u0259r haqq\u0131nda dan\u0131\u015fmaq ist\u0259yir\u0259m Sevgi, m\u0259h\u0259bb\u0259t, e\u015fq… \u00e7ox ad\u0131 var bunun. Ham\u0131 bu haqda dan\u0131\u015f\u0131r, fikirl\u0259\u015fir, ham\u0131 bunu hiss el\u0259m\u0259k, ya\u015famaq ist\u0259yir. H\u0259yatda b\u0259lk\u0259 d\u0259 t\u0259k-t\u00fck m\u00f6vzular var ki,… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[90,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2236","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mullif-yazilari","category-article"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2236","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2236"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2236\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12611,"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2236\/revisions\/12611"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2236"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2236"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shahidov.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2236"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}